Monday, January 3, 2011

Turn Signals

Now here is something I'm passionate about. Turn signals. Turn signals are one of the greatest inventions in the world, yet they are so unused and under-appreciated. They are used incorrectly and sadly misunderstood.

Have you ever been driving down the road when out of nowhere somebody you're behind starts slamming on their brakes for no apparent reason? And you're like "What the heck are they doing?" As they almost come to a complete, then they flip on their turn signal. Oh. They're turning.

Or how about this: You're sitting on a side street, waiting to turn out onto a busy main road. All you want is to make an easy right turn, but there are just so many cars. Then you see a break after these last 4 cars pass. But the third car is slowing down, but it doesn't look like they are going to turn at all. Before you realize it, you see their turn signal as they race on to your side street, turning so fast that they almost go on two wheels! If you only knew they were turning, you would have had plenty of time to pull out on to the road. Great. Now the break you were waiting for is gone, for there are more cars here.

Why do we have turn signals? What is the purpose of them? When do we use them? Obviously nobody knows! Well, I've got good news for you. I know the secret to turn signals. I know the answers! Are you ready for them?

We use turn signals to alert other drivers that we will be changing lanes or turning soon. We're supposed to use them before we start braking, so that people know why we are braking! So we don't start braking, and then as we are turning quick flip it on. Yes, it is a law in some states that you must use your turn signal when changing lanes or turning. But did you know you're supposed to put in on at least 100 feet before turning? Some states require 500 feet! And you retards flip it on as you're turning.

Now changing lanes is the same thing. But changing lanes is a whole other blog. I don't have room to go into detail about that.

So when it comes to turning, people, please, use your turn signal. It will save lives. To help you use your turn signals, I have a plan. Each time I see you fail to use your turn signal correctly, I will write down your license plate, and soon as you get 3 strikes, I will accidentally drop my cell phone on the floor, bend over to reach for it, taking my eyes off the road, and I will gently smash you off the road.

You wanna keep your Lexus? Well, make sure you use those pretty little turn signals.