Failure to Blog

I've really lost all desire to blog. I'm not sure why. I just have no desire at all.

The End is Near

I always get these random memory outbursts. Memories of things that I've done in the past that I miss doing. Like going to Grandma and Grandpa's house for Christmas. Like playing kickball in the yard and aiming for Denny's house intending to dent his siding as badly as possible. Like hearing that certain song on the radio every single bus-ride home from school. Memories that just make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Oh, you know what I'm talkin about.

Well, here's another one of those memories in the making. The End of Silver Birch Ranch is near. I have already begun recollecting all of the great memories I've made here. All the short road trips we've gone on, driving into Antigo for McDonalds at midnight, mammoth bon fires, spending hours and hours reading and doing homework. There's just a lot I'm going to miss from this place. A load of people I'll miss from here.

I am going to miss SBR, but it is my time to leave. The End of this chapter is here. Good bye SBR. Hello Trinity.

Time to Rhyme, nap n rap

Sittin in a chair burnin disc at one AM.
i am bloggin and i'm facebookin can you comprehend?
missin out on sleep, packaging discs for the campers
gotta take a pee, to lazy, I could use some Pampers.

duplicating, and awaitin for the disc to burn the image
andrew hampe's talkin bout a program that he calls "bridge"
don't know how to use this program, must discover on my own.
i would have been done already if i just had known.

burn it once, burn it twice, but the disc still ends up empty
if this happens one more time, i'll start screamin like a wild banshee.
up till one, up till two, maybe i will stay up later.
i can't think of a word that now rhymes except "gator"

July 28th

August 14th. 17 days between today and the day I leave. I've had 52 days of camp. I've live here at Silver Birch for 347 days. Thats 8328 hours. Or 499,680 minutes. Or 29,980,800 seconds. What have I spent all those seconds doing? I feel like I've spent a lot of time here, but I also feel like this past year has gone by so fast. Looking back, this year has been a blast. Here's a quick review on the year:


Here's what I did well on: never missing a class, building relationships with new friends, serving at camp, serving at ACC, having fun, increasing my off-roading and drifting abilities.

Here's what I didn't do so swell on: building my relationship with Christ, doing my hw, taking care of myself physically, keeping in touch with my family, preparing for next year.

I just look back at this year and think about all of the things I did well and things I didn't do well. A new chapter in my life will be starting, and I don't want to have the same "not-so-swells."

Without a doubt, I will miss this place. I will miss the people. I will miss so much. But I'm looking forward to the future and the new things and new people and new places. I will find new things to love. But my biggest goal for next year (here's where you help encourage me and hold me accountable) is getting to know God better. I want to love Him the most, I want Him to be the center and purpose of my life. So here comes chapter 21...

believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time.

it's supposed to be WILD!

Guess who not only went jogging today. But he got up at 545 to go jogging at 6. Yeah, I'm talking about AM, not PM. Any guesses? No idea? Well I've got an answer that will shock you right out of your socks and shake this world to pieces! It was me! I went jogging!

Enough of that. I did, in fact, get up to go jogging with Jon this morning. It wasn't really hard getting up. The hard part was looking at my watch and thinking to myself "It's six in the morning. You're getting up to jog. What is wrong with you?" After we finished the 3.89 mile jog I had an hour or two to kill before I had anything goin on. So I went down to the beach and popped a squat. Then my body decided it was time to go to sleep, so I almost did a Greg Nelson and fell asleep sitting in a chair... half hanging of the edge. So I headed up to the Lodge Lounge and caught some Z's on a sofa in there.

Now that's what I'm talkin about, willis.

Fall Plans

So I had a nice discussion with Jon today about what I thought would be about a possible internship. But it ended up a little different. Here's the gist of the conversation:

• I need to pick a place that will challenge me to grow and learn the most.
• Staying at SBR would not do that because…
• It would just be a repeat of this year, except without the good classes
• Silver birch would suck me in and never let go.
• Internship is a no-go.
• It would be sweet to work for and get to know the youth group better.
• It wouldn’t challenge me at all
• I gotta get some schooling.

So I’ll get some schooling. I’ve been accepted at Northwestern in St. Paul, and at Trinity in Deerfield. Jeremy is going to Trinity. I’ve already got a huge scholarship for Trinity. Trinity is about 6 hours closer to home than Northwestern. I can have my truck at Trinity (at Northwestern I can’t).

I hate the fact that I’m making this choice just after I’ve talked to Jon because I feel like I’m just making the decision that Jon picked. The thing is though, that I really respect Jon. I think he’s full of great insight and wisdom, and I know God speaks to me and guides me through him.

Plus, earlier in the day I talked with Jason about this a little bit, and he pretty much gave me the same wisdom as Jon did.

Let us continue in prayer, to see if God wants us to go this way.

mmmmMMMMmmm....

My Utmost for His Highest

Do you have even the slightest reliance on anything or anyone other than God?
Yes.

Is there a remnant of reliance left on any natural quality within you, or on any particular set of circumstances?
Oh yeah.

Are you relying on yourself in any manner whatsoever regarding this new proposal or plan which God has placed before you?
Yes

Is your relationship with God sufficient for you to expect Him to exhibit His wonderful life in you?
This is the part where I want to say yes. This is the part where I want my answer to be yes. But this is where I say no. Once in a while, I can answer "yes," but most of the time I depend on myself and don't rely on God at all.

"He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief" ( Matthew 13:58 )
I believe, but I forget. I don't wake up each morning dedicating my day to the Lord. I let myself get busy, I let myself go have fun and forget about God. God made everything perfectly, and so it's easy to see His glory everywhere. But it's so perfect, it's easy to not think about where all of life on earth came from, it's easy to forget what God's made and what He's done. I believe, but I forget. Forgetting, in this case, is no different than unbelief.

Do I really dare to let God be to me all that He says He will be?
"I dare" is really what I want to type. But something's holding me back. It's like one of those things where you know it's what's right, it's what you need to do. You know it, but for some reason, you just don't want to do it. I am not going to let that stop me this time, I can't. This time I dare.