Heratio the Fox: Episode 2

This is the second installment in a series of short stories. The first episode is only available on request. But Heratio's flashback in this story is a sufficient summary of episode one of "Heratio the Fox."

Once upon a time there was a sly fox. The sly fox was also cunning and dashingly good looking. His name was Heratio. While living in the woods, like he normally did, he saw a cloud in the sky. He wondered what the cloud was made of, and he couldn't figure it out, so he got mad. Heratio got so mad that he burned the forest down with a fireball shotgun. He burned down the forest like a mad-man. Except he was a fox, so he was more like a mad fox. A mad fox named Heratio.

Then Heratio had a flashback to a time in the past where there was a wicked witch and knights who say "Ni" that he chopped up and ate and a guy named David and Shelby and the witch subdued Heratio, but only half way, so the witch decided to grant the sly fox a wish and he wished for cunning (before this, the fox was not cunning, and this is why the fox is cunning now) and he blew up David and Shelby with thirteen nukes and then Heratio regurgitated the knights and they were all happy.

Then Heratio was done with his flashback, only to find that a cross between a Kangaroo and a Moose (nicknamed KaMoose (kinda like caboose)) that pooped on his right hind leg. So he ninja'ed KaMoose to near death. But the Kangaroo Moose didn't die, but he was severely injured. every finger was chopped off, all of his limbs were broken, his heart ripped out and pureed, his liver was tickeled almost to death, and his spleen became it's own rational being and ate the neighboring appendix. The local Doctor was nearby strawberry hunting and antelope hunting and heard a Kangaroo/moose-like groan and came and put KaMoose on some machinery that kepted him alive. so KaMoose didn't die, but he was severely injured.

Running in, stage right, crying, Shelby walks in. We all thought Shelby died in the 13-nuclear-bomb attack, but she didn't. She was just severely injured and deformed. Because of the nuclear radiation, she grew 17 extra ears, all growing on the left side of her face, and the force of the bomb in combination with the radiation flung her legs backwards and they ended up next to her shoulders, so she walks kidna funny now. But there she was, and Heratio was shocked. Shelby didn't know that Heratio was the attacker in the nuclear attack, and she didn't know the doctor or KaMoose. Heratio didn't want her to find out and get upset, because he kind of had a crush on her now. But it was weird because Heratio was a fox and Shelby was a human. But she was severely disfigured, so Heratio thought maybe his fox-friends maybe wouldn't be able to tell she was a human.

Then Heratio got suspicious because the next day, Shelby got mad and started monologue-ing to herself in dutch. And Heratio couldn't stand the dutch (just like austin powers and his dad). So Heratio went to Reno, purchased a stolen bus, but he didn't know it was stolen, and he drove the bus back to the forest where Shelby had made a shelter out of the carcass of KaMoose (cuz he didn't make it through the night) and Heratio ran over Shelby, because he doesn't like dutch stuff.

So Heratio was a little upset, but he made himself a latte and it made him feel better. By the time he was done drinking it, he had forgotten about Shelby. But the latte was 87 gallons, so it took a while for him to drink it all. But Heratio's like an over-sized fox, like the size of a camel. So he actually drank it pretty fast. And he fell asleep because he felt like his stomach was about to rip open and all his guts and stomach were to fly out. Ne'er again shalt he drink an 87 gallon latte. Maybe an 87 gallon hot chocolate, but not a latte.